Surrender in motherhood is new, but good.

2 minute read

Today at church I cried as I sang the lines “With my life laid down, I surrender now, I give you everything. Your goodness is running after... It’s running after me. All my life you have been faithful.”

It has become one of my favorite songs during the last few years. Whether it is reminding me of all the dark nights where the Lord whispered peace, or the lonely days as a single person with dreams of a family… in loss, in change, in uncertainties, all my life he has been faithful. And this season is no different in his faithfulness, but I sure do experience it in a new and desperate way.

I told Josh last night as he sat on the couch with the babies that this is all I ever dreamed of. But I would be lying if I neglected to say that it is so much harder than I thought it would be. However, there… in the surrendering of every day, of every moment... there is a goodness that is hard to explain. When every bit of myself is given to my children and to growing a human from sun up to sun down… there is a new type of surrender found that I never knew was possible. And as a result there’s a GOODNESS there that I never experienced before. This is a demanding season or life. But it is refining, it is fleeting, and it is good.

To commemorate this time, I took an actual “bump picture” today while the littles were napping In this photo I see tiredness, I see a slightly neglected lawn… but it all reveals the attention and the love poured into our family. And that is so beautiful to me. I’m 26 weeks and we’ve only got about 3 months left till we meet this new member of our family. She will be a puzzle piece our family needs and I know we’ll experience an entire new set of challenges, surrender, and goodness of the Lord through her.