My Battleground
4 minute read
We were texting around 8pm right after I had put my 2 year old and my 4 month old to bed. It was a Wednesday and they were both sick. The 2 year old earlier that evening was threatening to send us to urgent care before he finally turned a corner. RSV season is no joke—side note—don’t kiss the babies. ANYWAY, I was texting her about how tired I was, how nervous I was about my sick babies, and how absolutely worn out I was. I took a picture of the room in front of me and said “I’m about to make some decaf and turn a blind eye to this WRECK in front of me.” To which she responded, “That is the battleground you just spent the day fighting on. Be proud of that messy house.”
And she didn’t know it in that moment, and honestly she didn’t know it until I wrote this, but that phrase carried me through the rest of that long week, and many many days after. My sister in law, Maggie, who I happily claim as being the first person in my family to befriend her, helped me view my days differently and gave me insight to the truth.
My home is the battleground. I spend the day on this ground fighting. Fighting for my kids, fighting for my marriage, fighting for my relationship with the Lord. It’s a spiritual battle against the evil one who incessantly wants nothing more than to kill, steal, and destroy our family. It may sound harsh, but it’s true and the Lord has chosen me to be the gatekeeper of this home, and that is a sacred role.
There were tantrums that day and rises in blood pressure that threatened to take over and cause me to lose control and give up the fight.
There were temptations to ignore -out of laziness- a teachable moment with my 2 year old when I encountered yet another blatant example of mankind’s sinful nature.
There were moments of weakness and exhaustion when my words could have been short and my voice harsh towards my husband.
There were choices laid in front of me to either pick up my phone or pick up my Bible.
The list goes on but you get the picture. I lost some battles on that ground. I didn’t always fight my best and I didn’t always make the right choice. But there is no pride in that. I think we can sometimes as moms give in to the lie that we’re allowed to play the victim. But I don’t see anywhere in the Bible that followers of Christ are victims. Rather, I read things like “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us” (Romans 8:37). And “But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me” (2 Corinthians 12:9). And lastly, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 28:11).
You see, all of these point out that we shouldn’t just sit in our weakness or weariness and accept it as the way things are. What always reveals that I’m relying on my own strength is when I want pity for my weariness or sympathy for my struggles. By contrast, when I am relying on the Lord, I see those hard moments and the weariness as opportunities to praise God. I have a way out of this. I can have joy, I can see purpose, I have grace, mercy, and STRENGTH and POWER in those moments because I belong to Him. I have armor I can clad myself in confidently and fight the good fight. And right now, that fight is in my home.
The mess, the mayhem, the weariness, the exhaustion… It is all evidence of a follower of Christ doing a job that she has been called to do. There is worship in this house as I hold my crying child or when I feed and sing to my baby. There is surrender as I openly admit I don’t know what I’m doing. There is strength as I work to provide security for them through my job. There is exhortation as I guide a young mind towards the things of the Lord. Finally, there is confidence in Christ that I will wake up and be equipped to fight another day because He resides in me. I can look around at the chaos, and instead of feeling frustration, selfishness, and annoyance at what was not accomplished; I can feel full, joyful, and content knowing that my family saw Christ today through my weakness, laughter, mistakes, and battles won through Him. To Him be the glory in all of this.