4th Trimester Thoughts
2 minute read
Happy 3 months to Parker (tomorrow) and happy completion of the 4th trimester to me. What a crazy 12 weeks it’s been.
Parker has woken UP! She is full of smiles, all about hand holding, is reaching for things, and laughing at her brother all the time. She will calm down if you just look at her, has the sweetest disposition, and I feel like I don’t deserve her!
I feel like I have also woken up in a way. In an effort to be real without sharing more than necessary, I struggled much more in this 4th trimester than I ever did after Cory and that threw me off because I wasn’t expecting it. Nothing has been bad, and honestly Parker has been easy. But it was just ALL OF IT that kind of knocked me down and I just couldn’t quite get back up for a while. 2 under 2 is not for the faint of heart and I hope no one underestimates it! It took me about 7-8 weeks to not be extremely anxious on Sunday nights knowing Josh had to leave the next morning for work. Mostly I was just overwhelmed. How could I meet both of their needs? I was just one person. What if I have to leave the house?! Honestly Parker raging in her car-seat is alone the biggest learning curve. But the age difference impacts this tremendously I think. I couldn’t explain to Cory why I couldn’t hold him, and I couldn’t explain to Parker why she couldn’t just lie on me uninterrupted all day. I worried she wasn’t getting what she needed because it was nothing like when I had Cory. I was worried Cory felt like I was abandoning him. But then, around week 7, I realized we were okay. I was okay.
My sister said probably the most profound thing to me that has carried me through, “Cory was designed to be a firstborn, and Parker was designed to be a second born.”
And at the end of the day, I can’t do it all. They’re going to be healthier kids because I can’t do it all. And ultimately I’ve learned this month more than ever before-His strength is made perfect in my weakness. And never before have I been so aware of those weaknesses.
It’s a good thing for sure. And this is still the happiest, best job I’ve ever done.